and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
