Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
