she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
