I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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