In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So many bounce houses so little time
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Houston, we have a blender
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
