im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
