i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
