Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
