We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
