I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I hate all girls vehemently.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
