she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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