Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
