I wish I only lived at night.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
