what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My feet surprised me
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