Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
