if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
