My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
