I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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