Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
