Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
