There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
