I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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