they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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