shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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