did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
