I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
