he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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