Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
