Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
