I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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