I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
