We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
