Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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