my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Randomize
