Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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