i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
