so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
