Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
