I molested 6 butterflies tonight
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
God, I missed his penis.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
