Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I would fuck him just for his dog
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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