you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
