Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
