Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
did i just pee glitter
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
