I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
