You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
