First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
