What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
