at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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