Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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