i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
