I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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