dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i need some magic done to my vagina
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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