Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
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