why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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