My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Never underestimate the power of titties
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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