Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
